10/29/2020

A Controversial Ranking of the Mary-Kate and Ashley films

I had big plans for how I was going to spend my brief 2-week semester break before I started back at university over summer; make homemade pasta, learn piano, do some yoga, etc. Instead, I’ve spent the first 5 days sitting at my computer writing a fucking blog post about Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Did I anticipate that it was going to take me so long? No. But 11 movies and however many hours down, and here we are.

Mary-Kate and Ashley have grown into something of an enigma. They have no social media accounts, they do just two interviews a year that are almost exclusively about their high-end fashion label, The Row, and most of their direct-to-DVD films are slowly disappearing from the shelves of retailers and are now going for around $40 a pop on eBay and Amazon. Their films have gradually become a novelty to own, and I fear that over time, the greater population will forget all about their international adventures and on-screen teen love affairs, leaving nothing behind except some pop culture references and a few thousand Pinterest images to remember them by.

But I’m sorry, Mary-Kate and Ashley, I won’t go quietly. As an avid consumer of your films, TV-shows, and even a couple of your computer games, I feel as though it is my duty to share my thoughts and feelings about your films while I still remember them. So for the past 5 days, I’ve been slaving away and sitting through hours and hours of Mary Kate and Ashley’s movies in an attempt to review and rank them as accurately as humanly possible, losing thousands of brain cells in the process.

Naysayers told me that it couldn’t be done. But like so many times before, I proved them wrong. So without further ado, here is my controversial review and ranking of Mary Kate and Ashley’s 11 feature films.

11th /11 (tie)
Winning London

The Plot: As it was eloquently described in an iTunes review, “Olsen twins head to international competition, pursue boys." That’s pretty spot on. 
Putting it bluntly, I hated this movie. The guys? Borderline. The comedy? Non-existent. Not to mention that it was probably the least exciting storyline of the entire film series. The only thing saving this movie was the clothes. Otherwise, I have nothing good to say about it. 
Also, I can’t help but question why they had the same names as their characters from So Little Time but the actors...swapped? Why would you do that? Who thought that would be a good idea? These are the questions that haunt me.

Highlight of the film: The tie-dye/plaid bell-bottom jeans. What possessed them to wear them? Why do I secretly love them?

Lesson Learned: To never waste your time on this movie.

11th /11 (tie)
When in Rome

The Plot: The girls get fired from a fashion internship in Rome after a series of mishaps, and then are randomly rehired by the CEO of the company who at one point jets them off to his beachfront villa for some R+R. This quickly becomes a mystery, and they eventually save the day with roller-skates. I think that’s all you need to know.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen this film rated highly on any sort of list. Whilst it is arguably the most terrible film I have ever watched, it didn’t fill me with the same sort of fiery rage that Winning London did, hence the draw. But believe me when I say that I would never watch it again, because let's be honest - if I really wanted to watch a movie about adventures in Rome and young love with a guy named Paolo, I’d just watch the Lizzie McGuire movie.

Highlight of the film: The end credits

Lesson learned: I didn't learn a thing. I don't even understand what I just watched.

9th /11
The Challenge

The Plot: A pair of estranged twins coincidentally end up on the same team on a survivor-esque reality TV-show, and they have to learn to put their differences aside and work together as a team in order to win college scholarships. 
The concept of a reality TV-show setting as a film was pretty revolutionary back in 2003, and Son's of Anarchy character Juan "Juice" Ortiz has a role in this movie as one of their teammates, which is both cool and super weird. Ultimately, there was nothing bad about this film, but it's not exactly winning any awards, either. It was just meh, or as our good friend Sam from Getting There would say, it was sort of "charcoal."

Highlight of the film: The end scene where some of the twins' boyfriends from past movies and TV-shows show up and begin arguing over who the girls loved more. Iconic moment.

Lesson learned: "Boys may come and go, but we'll always have each other—and that's not just in the movies."

8th /11
It Takes Two

The Plot: Two girls from very different lives end up (literally) running into each other at the same summer camp, only to realise that they’re identical. Sound familiar? That’s because I've basically just described The Parent Trap, except in this movie, they're not twins. In fact, they're not even related. They're just...completely identical strangers..? Dare I say It Takes Two is a poor man’s The Parent Trap? I do. I do dare.
Does that mean it’s not good? Of course not. It was a wholesome movie, and the girls get extra points for being adorable. But despite some of the obvious differences, it was just too hard to not compare it to Lindsay Lohan's arguably better film that came out two years later.  

I think if you grew up watching It Takes Two, you'll have some sort of emotional or sentimental connection to it, but I didn't. So objectively, it just doesn't deserve to be any higher. And I'm not sorry about it.

Highlight of the film: Mary Kate’s character Amanda and her sometimes questionable (but always cute) New York accent won the show for me. 

Lesson learned: Lindsay Lohan did it better.

 

7th /11
Kicking Goals

The Plot: Sam (Mary-Kate) is a star soccer player and loves sports, whereas Emma (Ashley) is more girly and enjoys fashion and make-up. Cue the typical tomboy/girly-girl trope that the Olsen twins are famous for. Then much to his dismay, their ultra-competitive father is pressured by his wife to pick Emma for his championship-winning team, leaving Sam to be picked up by the opposing ("loser") team known as the Buzzards. But like every good Olsen movie, the girls secretly swap places.

First of all, their dad was kind of infuriating. He is pathologically competitive and treated Emma like a second-rate citizen just because she didn't like to kick a ball. 
Additionally, the entire league treated the Buzzard's like a joke. But I'm sorry, pizza at training? Are you kidding? Only in my wildest dreams. I hope my cheerleading coach takes note. 
Finally, the major climax of the film was Emma being swapped in as goalkeeper in the grand final with a MINUTE left and ended up blocking the kick, which left both of their teams tied and they SHARED the win, because apparently there was just no possibility for overtime. Okay.

Ultimately, it's just another mid-tier Mary Kate and Ashley movie.

Highlight of the film: 11-year-old Michael Cera giving the performance of his life as a kid buying a pair of cleats. 

Lessons learned: You can enjoy soccer AND wear dresses

6th /10
Billboard Dad

The Plot: Before Tinder and Hinge, there was a set of 10-year-old twins putting up a billboard in the middle of Sunset Blvd in an attempt to find their widowed father a new girlfriend after their mother passed away two years prior. This movie was pretty fun. It sort of reminded me of a low budget version of Sleepless in Seattle, but for kids. Lonely in Los Angeles, if you will.
The film was super sweet, and for a couple of 10-year-olds, they served so many looks that I've since saved on Pinterest. Was I watching Billboard Dad for the plot or the 90’s fashion? We’ll never really know. 
Whilst they were too young to have any love interests in this film, it did feature a 12-year-old wannabe badass with a denim jacket and a lip piercing, who coincidentally was also the same kid who tried to sabotage the boxcar racer in The Little Rascals. 

Highlight of the film: Those coloured John Lennon sunglasses still look cool and I want a pair ASAP. 

Lesson learned: The Olsen twins are the ultimate wingmen. Remind me who to call if I’m ever single. 

5th /11
Getting There

The Plot: The twins get their driver's licenses, and unlike the rest of us plebs sporting Toyota Yarris' and Hyundai i20's, Mary-Kate and Ashley are gifted a MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE for their 16th birthday. Standard. They then decide to go on a road trip to Utah with a bunch of friends in order to catch the 2004 Salt Lake City Olympics. 
As you can guess, the girls (and guys) face a series of misfortunes on their way to Utah, such as a couple of blown tires, getting separated at a gas station, and accidentally booking a flight to San Diego instead of San Fransisco. But the most unrealistic part of this movie? The fact that their Ford Mustang got stolen early on in the film, and then RETURNED at the end of the movie because the guy "just wanted to take it out on a test-drive"? Girls, who the fuck do you think you're fooling?

Honorable mention also goes out to Sam, who is easily one of the worst characters in the MK+A franchise. He gets friend-zoned by Mary-Kate within the first 15 minutes, doesn't quite take the hint, and then spends the remainder of the film trying to win her affection. 

Despite all of that, the film is still pretty good.

Highlight of the film: Anything that Toast said

Lesson learned: "It’s called lunch bro. The fifth most important meal of the day” 

 

4th /11
Holiday in the Sun

Whilst it's not exactly taking home any medals, this movie is arguably the most iconic film of the series for so many reasons.

The Plot: Madison (Mary-Kate) and Alex (Ashley) are whisked away by their parents and flown to the five-star Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas via their private jet. Despite originally wanting to spend their winter break in Hawaii surrounded by a gaggle of horny 15-year-old boys, they end up finding some new on-screen boyfriends to occupy themselves with and eventually have a really great time swimming with dolphins and getting involved in an antiquities smuggling ring. You know, just your standard family holiday.
This movie was basically a massive flex on how rich they are and trying to make all of us jealous that we're not riding around on jet ski's or going scuba diving in the Bahamas. And you know what? It fucking worked. 
Also, the soundtrack? Impeccable. Features the songs that we heard in almost every 00s teen movie ever (press here, here, and here if you wanna know what I'm talking about) as well as a performance of Us Against the World by Play, which you will forever associate with either this movie or that episode of Lizzie McGuire. 

Highlight of the film: This was Megan Fox's breakout role, and it basically put her on the map.

Lesson Learned: Astrology is not the same thing as astronomy.

3rd /11
New York Minute

The Plot: Jane is a conscientious student with dreams of winning a scholarship to Oxford University, and Roxi is a delinquent band member who skips school to attend the Simple Plan video shoot (to be honest, I'd ditch school for that too). There's a dead parent, a great adventure around a foreign city, and an eventual sister swap. New York Minute ticked all the requirements of a typical Olsen film. However, there's also a random Taekwondo scene, some shady black market deals, a car chase, and Eugene Levy from Schitt's Creek to keep it interesting.

As for their love interests, between Jared Padalecki from Gilmour Girls and that hot guy that keeps smashing into Jane with his bike, we're pretty spoiled for choice in this one.

Highlight of the film: "As the famous Canadian professor Avril Lavigne-stein once said, and I quote, why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?”

Lesson learned: Just buy the fucking train ticket.

2nd /11
Our Lips Are Sealed

You’re probably wondering, what the fuck is this movie doing above Holiday in the Sun AND New York Minute? That would be a fair question, and two days ago, I would be standing over there with you shaking my fist in the air and demanding a refund on the 2 minutes I just wasted reading this blog post. But this movie is brilliantly underrated and deserves 2nd place, and I am here to remind you why. 

The Plot: Mary-Kate and Ashley witness a diamond robbery orchestrated by notorious crime lord, Emil Hatchew. Subsequently, the girls and their parents are placed into the Witness Protection Program where they are provided with new identities and are relocated to Australia. Unfortunately, they're closely followed by two henchmen who have absolutely no idea what they're doing.
Multiple beach parties, an Eastern-European mobster, a pet kangaroo, and a couple of blonde surfer boys that I probably would have had a crush on in primary school - this movie truly has it all. It really makes me think that living in Australia is actually super cool and I’m just doing it wrong. As Mary-Kate once said, "Australia was like one big party. The bad news? We weren’t exactly invited yet.” Yeah, me neither kid. 
My final thoughts? This movie was beautifully orchestrated chaos from start to finish with a storyline so extensive that I sometimes couldn't tell if I was watching the Olsen twins or a Martin Scorsese film. *Chef's Kiss*

Special Highlight: I can't decide between Mary-Kate assaulting Emil Hatchew with a boomerang, or the fact that Avery's dad owned Luna Park (I know which guy I'd wanna date).

Lesson learned: In the words of the Olsen twins, “Life’s not about being popular, it’s about being yourself. And that’s fair dinkum”

1st /11
Passport to Paris

Of course, that leaves us with none other than Passport to Paris - the crown jewel of Olsen movies. Are we even a little bit surprised? No. This film is a whimsical love story filled with Vespas, french boys, and turtlenecks. Need I say more?

The Plot: In an attempt to broaden their interests, Melanie and Allyson's parents send their daughters away to Paris for a week to stay with their U.S ambassador grandpa, where they meet two cute boys on Vespa's who whisk them off on a Parisian adventure. Along the way, they befriend an international supermodel named Brigitte who takes them shopping around Paris in her spare time because, you know, I know so many supermodels who become friends with 12 year olds. 
In my opinion, Passport to Paris ticks all the boxes. The fashion is immaculate and goes to prove that Mary-Kate and Ashley were the pioneers of butterfly clips, leather coats, and bucket hats. And that scene where they have a swordfight with breadsticks in front of the Eiffel Tower? Yeah, 21 years later and I'm still jealous.
Most importantly, the on-screen boyfriends in this movie were super cute. If we're being honest, I wanted to get railed by Jean when I was younger. He was the garçon français of my dreams, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't watch this movie before I went to Paris at 14 to mentally prepare myself on what to expect.
Ultimately, Passport to Paris is simply the best. Words really can't describe this masterpiece. Somebody give these girls their Oscar.

Highlight of the movie: When Mary-Kate and Ashley convinced the French Foreign Minister to pass a clean water bill in France. Stylish queens AND political activists - what can't these girls do?

Lessons learned: Always accept rides from strangers if they're french boys on Vespas.

Was this review most likely a colossal waste of my time? Probably, and I'll most likely have nightmares about butterfly clips and spaghetti straps for the rest of my life. But to all my readers, go on and spread the good news that the truth is finally out. I suppose I'll just be here continuing to do the Lord's work.

            - Loz

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7/21/2020

Eat, Pray, Cry: The truth about Personal Growth

As a Melburnian stuck in lockdown, I've had a lot of time over the last few months to binge-watch various films and TV shows that are available on the many streaming services that I pay a subscription to (if you need any ideas, I wrote a post a couple months ago of my top 11 recommendations). My latest victim was the 2010 box-office hit, Eat Pray Love, a romantic drama that follows the journey of a 30-something-year-old woman who, upon finding herself at an emotional crossroads in life following her divorce and failed rebound relationship, decides to leave her job and travel around Italy, India, and Bali in an attempt to "find herself." 

The film bothered me, because as I sat there on my bedroom floor watching Julia Roberts ride off on a boat into the sunset, I felt as though the entire film was bullshitting viewers into believing her personal growth came from running off to Rome for a few weeks and eating her weight in bowls of pasta. Would she have had a good time? Yes, most definitely. I cannot think of any greater experience than eating copious amounts of Italian food until I turn into a giant meatball. But I'd still just be the same meatball that I was before I left, albeit a bit fatter. Instead, the personal growth and sense of self-direction that Julia was searching for started long before she stepped foot into the airport terminal. 

Allow me to explain.

In 2018, I had my own (sort of) international journey of self-discovery. Upon detaching myself from an unhealthy relationship, I ran off to Vietnam with nothing but my suitcase and my passport. Did I do it for the sole intention of finding myself? Of course not. I did it because I was 19 years old, and after what felt like 12 months of treading on eggshells, I felt like a dog who was finally let out of the backyard for the first time. And so I booked my trip with the same intentions that I had when I got my nipple pierced or got the word "PASTA" tattooed on the inside of my lip; I just wanted to do something a bit random and "wild". And because I'm not one to enjoy going on ketamine fuelled benders, or sleep with the entire population of the western suburbs of Melbourne, running off to a third world country seemed like the best option.

In my time spent frolicking around Vietnam, I passed out in a hammock after drinking copious amounts of Jungle Juice. I also fell asleep on top of a junk boat in the middle of Halong Bay (I clearly have a pattern of sleeping). I caught a mudfish with my bare hands. I fired an AK-47 rifle. I traveled around Ho Chi Minh on the back of motorbikes. I visited temples at sunrise, ate with locals, and met people from all walks of life. It was seriously an amazing trip. But did it change my life? No. What did change my life, however, was the relationship that I was so desperate to get away from. And though I have few positive things to say about it, I will admit that I learned a lot. Because that's the thing - running off to Vietnam or Italy or Timbuktu sounds wonderful, but wonderful holidays with little adversity rarely inspire the sort of growth that Julia promises us. The real growth comes from moments of pain and hardship. 

A few weeks ago, I came across a really interesting podcast where they were talking about a very similar topic. Specifically, they expanded on the idea that you learn the most lessons, sometimes about the world and oftentimes about yourself, when you're struggling or going through some form of adversity. In other words,

"pain is the catalyst for growth"

In the moment, any sort of pain and suffering feels awful, and sometimes it can take months or even years to recover from it, regardless of what it is. But when you're finally out of that bad headspace and are able to look back at what you've experienced, you begin to see it for what it is and you can extract all of the valuable lessons it provided, because some lessons can only be taught when you're at your worst.

Post-Traumatic Growth is the Psychological concept whereby some individuals who encounter a period of traumatic suffering undergo positive "life-changing" psychological shifts in thinking. This growth goes beyond returning to who they were prior to the trauma, meaning that these individuals have the ability to take their pain and use it as the catalyst for intense (positive) emotional and mental changes. It can be difficult to climb back up when you hit rock bottom, especially if you feel confused and alone and unsure of yourself. But it is possible. Not through becoming a meatball or drinking Jungle Juice in Vietnam, but by making a conscious effort to work on yourself, whether that be through seeking help, self-reflection, or creating necessary changes in your life. It definitely won't look like a Julia Roberts movie, but it sure as hell will be a lot better.

            - Loz

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5/21/2020

My Experience as an All-Star Cheerleader

When Netflix's docuseries CHEER was released, I was flooded with messages, compliments, and questions from old friends and colleagues. Why? Because I'm the only cheerleader they know.

Whilst Australia's cheerleading community is anything but small (nationals pulled in 12,000 competitors and a crowd of 18,000 spectators), it isn't very well known across the wider population. These numbers are even smaller when you get down to where I live in the western suburbs of Melbourne. There are multiple reasons for this, including stereotypes perpetuated by movies and popular culture, as well as the general lack of awareness of this sport even existing. However, I am aware that another reason for a lot of girls (and boys) not being able to participate in cheerleading growing up was because not everyone could afford it.

See, cheerleading is an expensive sport. Annually, cheerleading costs me up to 3k a year. Term fees, uniform costs, competition fees, flights and accommodation for any interstate competitions, choreography, and music; it all costs a pretty penny. And if you're going to the national or world championships? Well, that's a whole other ball game that I don't need to get into. On top of all of this, my gym is on the other side of the city from where I live, and I train 3 times a week, though this sometimes increases depending on the time of year. Petrol isn't free, so you do the math.
My point is, cheerleading isn't cheap. And once I got old enough, it was (obviously) my responsibility to pay for my participation in this hobby, which as a full-time student, wasn't easy. I work a lot of nights and weekends, and I had to sacrifice a lot more than people realize to do this sport. But we all do. Being a high-level competitive cheerleader, or high-level athlete of any sport comes with sacrifices.


Being a Flyer

Every cheerleader has a position or role on a team, and each member serves an important purpose. My role, probably the easiest to remember, is the girls they throw into the air. I'm called a flyer, and the girls holding me up are called bases. In layman's terms, my job is to squeeze and contort my body and make everything look good in the air. When I explain this to people for the first time, I usually hear the same questions. "Is it scary?" "Is it fun?" "Do you do twists and flips in the air?" My answer is yes to all of them. However, there's a little more to it than that.

Something that I want to share about flying that isn't really mentioned is that often times, you have no idea what you're about to do. You're frequently being asked to do things that you've never previously done, and nothing can prepare you for the feeling of chucking your body into the air, twisting and flipping in a way that you have never tried before, and expecting somebody below to catch you. Your sense of spatial awareness the first time you're doing a skill is almost non-existent. You may as well be blindfolded.
See, the coaches don't have time to take things through with you step by step. You get told two things: what to do, and then to do it. A lot of the time, they won't tell you exactly what you should expect to feel, how you'll be caught, how you should land, or give you any time to wrap your head around it. There are little safety precautions or measures in this sport other than the arms of a few girls standing at the bottom, and there is very little time for slow progression and steps. You can cry or panic, but in the end, you still have to do it.

My other problem is that I'm scared of heights. And though I feel ridiculous admitting that (it is my job on the team after all), it's something that I frequently struggle with. Sometimes I tear up out of sheer panic of a hard skill, or I'll break a sweat because I just don't understand what I'm being asked to do. I am terrified of heights, and I'm terrified of making mistakes; a terrible formula for a high-level flyer.

So why do I do it?

As selfish and completely inaccurate as this claim may be, most of the time when a team is on the competition floor, spectators aren't looking at the bases. Unless somebody in particular catches your eye, or an athlete draws attention to themselves, chances are, the crowd just isn't staring at them. They're looking at me. Not me specifically, but the flyer. One of the best feelings that I will ever experience is hitting a stunt at the world championships, and hearing a crowd of over 15,000 people cheering. And for a split second while I'm still in the air, my eyes adjust to the lights and I stare at the people in the crowd. And as arrogant as it may come across, even though there are 20 other people on the floor, it feels as though they're cheering for me. The feeling is addictive, and it's indescribable. It's why so many cheerleaders are never ready to retire.

However, this also comes at a cost. When a crowd of 15,000 people are watching you succeed, you're probably the first person they see when something goes wrong. They won't (usually) notice a base messing up the grips or taking a step in the wrong direction. But what they do notice is my head bounce across the floor, or all of the split-second mistakes that I frequently make at multiple points in a routine. They watch me succeed, but they also watch me fail. The whole stunt will be scrutinised and gawked at, but it's my face they'll remember.


Being Part of Team
Team sports are common. Basketball, soccer, netball, all the rest. But cheerleading takes it to another level. There is no such thing as personal space. We need to get super close and personal. A good base is standing chest to chest with their counterpart, breathing each other's air. As a flyer, I have had bases unintentionally shove their fingers up every crevice of my body. A good team of any sport aims to build a level of chemistry and trust within their athletes. However, unlike other team sports, I'm not just trusting them to do their job because I want to win. I'm trusting them to do their job because as I'm being thrown up 10ft in the air, my safety is on the line. I need to trust them.

And I do, I trust those girls with my life.

Looking at it from an unbiased point of view, cheerleading is a weird sport. For 2½ minutes, you are holding and tossing humans up in the air, flipping and twisting across the floor, and contorting your body in ways that it probably shouldn't. You're chucking the most ridiculous and theoretically dangerous stunts and tumble passes, and each year is all about how we can make it harder. And no matter how much you're dying inside, you're smiling at the crowd and trying to make it look fun and easy. You train all year to put a routine on the floor that is over in less than 5 minutes, just for the chance to win a piece of painted metal. No cash prizes, just a medal hanging around your neck. You'll tear a few ligaments, maybe an ACL. Maybe you'll crack a rib or break a nose. You'll get bruised, cut, scratched, concussed, and frequently beaten by a foot to the face. All of this and nobody in the wider Australian population will have any idea of who you are or what you do.

So yeah, It's a weird sport. But god, I love it.

            - Loz

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5/11/2020

Boxset Binge: 12 good TV series to watch during quarantine

*This post has since been edited to add a newcomer to the list*

So here in Australia, it appears as though the end of #iso is on the horizon, but it's not here yet! In fact, there is still plenty of time to squeeze in all of the random activities that we've seen posted on Instagram before we get back to the hustle and bustle of our former lives. And because we've all already exhausted the baking and cooking and exercising, I think a good old fashioned binge of some excellent TV shows is just the thing to send off our final days or weeks in quarantine.

Below are my top 12 (was supposed to be 10 but I couldn't narrow it down) picks of multi-seasoned TV shows that I just know you'll love. And the best part? They're all accessible via our beloved online streaming services. Lovely.

1. Game of Thrones: 8 seasons (Binge)
This fantasy-drama tells the story of the noble houses within the realm of Westeros, and how they violently fight and scheme for the Iron Throne and the control of the seven kingdoms. Violence, sex, hour-long episodes, and Jon Snow. I truthfully couldn't ask for much more in a tv series, and it appears as though millions of others feel the same way. Though, don't ask me about the final season. I really don't wanna talk about it.


2. How I met your mother: 9 seasons (Stan)
The better version of Friends. There, I said it.


3. Peaky Blinders: 5 seasons (Netflix and Foxtel Now)
Based on the historic street gang of the same name, Peaky Blinders follows the story of the fictional crime family operating in Birmingham shortly after World War 1. Starring Cillian Murphy as the super cool Tommy-fucking-Shelby, my boyfriend and I were obsessed with this show. Similar to Game of Thrones, this series is super violent and cut-throat and the episodes are an hour long. Bonus.


4. The office US: 9 seasons (Stan and Amazon Prime)
The Office is an American mockumentary series based on the foolishness and hilarious misadventures of a motley group of 9-5 workers in the Scranton branch of the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. I won't lie, the first few episodes are dry and awkward, almost unbearably so. But the quick-lived first season is only 6 episodes long, and by season two, they find their groove and manage to pull off one of the most hilarious and heartwarming tv shows of the 21st century.
And...I don't care for all you Brit's to tell me that the UK version was better. It just isn't.


5. Breaking Bad: 5 seasons (Stan)
Based on the chaotic life of Walter White, a former high school chemistry teacher who turns to meth-making with a former student to help pay off his medical bills after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. Similar to The Office, the first few episodes of season one were a slog, but it helped set up the remainder of the series. And the payoff is huge.
The characters are complex. So complex to the point where you can't tell whether you love or mercilessly hate them, which is just a credit to the extraordinary actors. In no time at all, you'll become engrossed in the plots, obsessed with the schemes, and addicted to the show.


6. Grey's Anatomy: 16 seasons (Stan)
The ultimate medical drama tv program. Following the life of Meredith Grey and her fellow surgical interns as they work at Seattle Grace Hospital to obtain their surgical residency, this show began in 2005 and is still fucking going 16 seasons on. I'll be honest, it is probably one of the most emotionally exhausting shows I have ever watched, and every season finale felt like a battle between the lump in my throat and my dignity. Additionally, I don't recommend getting attached to any characters if you don't feel like being disappointed somewhere along the track.

7. The Inbetweeners: 2 seasons (Netflix)
It's stupid. It's chaotic. It's the epitome of inappropriate British humour, and it's absolutely brilliant.


8. Avatar: The Last Airbender: 3 seasons (Netflix and Stan)
This was one of the unappreciated cartoons that I would turn on after school and not really pay much attention to, but upon watching from start to finish, I can admit that it is probably the greatest Nickelodeon cartoon of all time (sorry, Spongebob). The characters are complex and each exhibits their own personal development and growth over the span of the show, and the storyline and overall concepts are just magical.


9. The O.C: 4 seasons (Stan)
I can't help myself with this one. Think of typical early 2000's American teen dramas mixed with angsty teenagers who have way too many problems than the average person, and you have The O.C; a show that follows the life of a troubled teenager from a broken home who gets adopted by the incredibly wealthy Kirsten and Sandy Cohen (AKA the best dad on American TV). The storylines within the first couple of seasons were juicy, the soundtrack is brilliant, and I'm pretty sure that Seth Cohen is what made sarcastic nerdy guys my type.


10. Shameless US: 9 seasons (Netflix)
If you ever feel like your life is a mess, just watch a few episodes of Shameless. Introducing the Gallaghers, a dysfunctional family of 6 living on the poverty line fathered by none other than Frank Gallagher. A hopeless drug addict and an incredibly crafty opportunist, Frank is probably the loosest canon I have ever had the pleasure of watching on screen, and his constant antics involving swindling others for drugs, money, and alcohol, as well as watching the largely talented and endearing supportive cast, make this show a must-watch.


11. Sex and the City: 6 seasons (Binge)
Sex and the City is the classic chick flick go-to. Following the lives of four intelligent and independent women living in New York City, the show gives us an insight into the dynamics of NYC and into the sexual and philosophical side of these four best friends as they try to individually tackle their various issues in dating and general life. The show starts off super strong but it begins to drop off around season 5. But if you can get your hands on it, it's too good to pass up.


12. Arcane: 1 season (Netflix)

Okay, this show seriously blew my mind. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hesitant to watch this at first (in my defense, my boyfriend describing it as "a show based on the characters from League of Legends" didn't really sell it to me), but I found myself obsessed straight off the bat. There is so much going for this show: compelling characters, a dark narrative, and an incredibly unique style of animation that I'm not sure I've seen in a TV series before. The only drawback is that the season is only 9 episodes (I know I said I’d only include multi-seasoned TV shows). But if you're interested in starting something new but don't know if you can commit to something super long, this may be a perfect choice. Jump onto it now before everyone else is inevitably talking about it when they release season 2.

And if all else fails, just watch Tiger King like the rest of us.

            - Loz

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5/03/2020

Millennial Masterchef: Creamy Bacon and Chicken Alfredo

Growing up, my sister was a budding chef as a teenager. She often requested to make dinners for the family, and received kitchenware for Christmas on multiple occasions. Much to my mother's dismay, I was not this person. In fact, I was pretty much a one-trick pony, meaning that I could make toast without burning it and call it a night. That was until quarantine.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been cooking up a storm in the kitchen. And much to my parents (and my boyfriend's) surprise, I have actually managed to create something delicious. And now I am sharing it with you. You're welcome. 

Creamy Bacon and Chicken Alfredo is like what spaghetti carbonara wishes it was, and what fettuccine alfredo used to be. It's unapologetically indulgent without being overwhelming to the senses, and it is loaded with all of the essential food groups: bacon, cheese, and garlic. 

Ingredients (serves 4)

Fettuccine: 370g

Bacon: 200-230g (diced)

Chicken breast: 2 chicken breasts (500g) 
Butter: 2 Tbs

Pasta water: 3/4 cup

Shredded parmesan: 1 cup

Minced garlic: I didn't even bother measuring how much I used. Just chuck in as much as you want.

Thickened cream: 1 cup

Italian seasoning
Salt
Pepper

Method
1. Put your pot of water on the stove. Add your salt and olive oil, and once the water has boiled, chuck in your fettuccine. Don’t let the pasta get too soft as it will cook further with the rest of the ingredients in step 5. Scoop out 3/4 of a cup of pasta water before you strain.
2. At the same time, begin dicing up your bacon. Get out a frying pan, add a bit of olive oil to the middle, chuck your bacon in there and a shit tonne of garlic, and let it all simmer until golden. Remove your bacon and leave on the side (do not clean frying pan).
3. Slice up your chicken breast into edible bites, and season it with some Italian seasoning. Chuck it into your saucepan and let it cook in the bacon fat on medium heat for roughly 5-10 minutes. Remove when cooked completely through (now you can clean the frying pan).
4. Melt your butter on low heat being careful not to let it burn, and finally add in the cream, parmesan, and pasta water until it reduces and thickens. Add a touch of salt and a crack of pepper for a bit of extra flavour.
5. Now, add your cooked fettuccine from step one and coat it in your mix. Continue this until you get the consistency you want. If you wish for a thick and creamy consistency, don't leave it on the heat for too long as this will dry up the sauce. 
6. Serve immediately and add all the parmesan you want (you know you want to).

Bon appetit, bitches.

            - Loz

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4/24/2020

Dealing with disappointment

Today marks the day that I was supposed to be competing in the semi-finals of the cheerleading world championships. If everything had gone to plan thus far, last week we would have had the opportunity to train with the California Allstars, one of the most successful cheerleading gyms in the world, over in Camarillo, California. We would have flown to Orlando the day after, eaten copious amounts of breadsticks and four cheese pasta dishes at the Olive Garden, and trained almost daily. Right now I would stink of Bondi Sands tanning mouse and I'd probably be teasing the life out of my hair, getting ready to potentially put one of the best level 5 routines in the world on the competition floor.

But I'm not doing that. Instead, I’m sitting here in my onesie alone in my room, feeling devastated. 

As the entire world is already aware of, a dangerous respiratory virus known as Covid-19 (or Coronavirus) has rapidly spread across 210 countries and territories around the world, subsequently causing a catastrophic worldwide pandemic that has temporarily ceased any outdoor activities, social interaction, international travel, and in my case, competitive sports. In Australia, weddings have been called off, funerals are limited to 5 people, and hospitals are struggling to keep up with the constant influx of sick patients. I am not naive or ignorant enough to believe that the cancellation of my competition is anywhere near as devastating as the other issues that have arisen due to the development of the Coronavirus, but I won't pretend that I'm happy to see everything that my team and I had worked towards not come to fruition. It's hard when things don't go as planned. It just is.

And honestly, I have a history of breaking down when things don’t go to plan. Last year, my teammates and I were sitting in 3rd place at the 2019 world championship grand finals, and in the time it takes to hiccup, a small error was made and it not only knocked us out of the running to take home bronze, but it also took away our opportunity of making history as the first all-female Australian team to place top three at the world championships. One second, that's all it took. Things didn't go to plan. And to be honest, they rarely do.

That was the biggest lesson I took away from that year. 

Was it an easy lesson to learn? Absolutely not. The loss resulted in a full-fledged breakdown, and I was coerced by my mother to talk to a counsellor to help me find healthy coping mechanisms. I was a mess for a long time, but admittedly, talking to a professional did eventually help because she taught me how to deal with life's inevitable disappointments, and how to adjust to plan B.

Here are a few lessons I've learnt over time,

1. It is okay to grieve the loss of what you thought was to be

You're allowed to be disappointed. You're allowed to cry and stomp your feet a little. God knows I did, and you can too. You're only human.

2. Accept what you can and can't control
This one is super important, because even when things happen that are out of my control, I take the weight of it on my shoulders and behave as though it reflects on me. But truthfully, there are forces outside of myself that influence and shape outcomes. I can't waste time dwelling on things that I have no control over. All I can do is focus on my own behaviours and actions.

3. Assess other options, and get planning
The beautiful thing about life is that you have options. There is always an alternative way of achieving something, and there is always a pathway to get there. Whilst it would have been great for things to work out the first time, it doesn't mean that it's necessarily your best or only option. There is always more than one solution to a problem, so when shit hits the fan, assess other options and get planning. 

4. Remind yourself that you eventually end up where you need to be

I am a firm believer in this and I think about it a lot. The friendships, experiences and skills I have accumulated and developed since the 2019 world championships are invaluable and will stay with me forever. The gains far outweighed any losses I sustained, and truthfully, I don't regret my 2019 worlds experience because, despite all of the bullshit that followed, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Like I said earlier, very rarely do things actually go to plan. You fail, your anxiety gets the better of you, you make mistakes, or perhaps there's a worldwide pandemic. Whatever the reason is, learn to cope with it and build from it. It's not to be ignored, it's there to remind you that you are alive, you are only human, and this is life. If things go wrong, try try try again.

        - Loz

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2/23/2020

21 Life Lessons in 21 Years of Life

Another year has passed and as of today, I am another year older. Yes, I have finally hit the ripe old age of 21, which means that it's time to start thinking about my retirement funds, menopause, and getting those damn kids off my lawn.

*cue crying* 

Just kidding, I didn't cry (this year) because if I'm being honest, it has actually been one of the best 12 months of my life, and I really have grown a lot in such a brief period of time. In fact, upon reflection of my life up until this point, I think it is fair to say that I have acquired a great deal of knowledge and wisdom over the last 21 years. And truthfully, it seems only selfish to keep it all to myself when all two of you who read this blog are obviously so eager to hear about it.

21 life lessons in 21 years of life

1. It's 100% okay to say no

If you don't actually want to do something, don't. Same goes for partying. Same goes for hanging with a certain type of group, choosing a specific career pathway in life or being a person you don't want to be. The average life span is 82 years of age. Don't spend it doing shit you don't want to do.

2. But also don't be afraid to say yes

Say yes to new opportunities. Job opportunities that you're not sure whether you're qualified for or amazing life experiences you're not sure will be worth the time. Say yes to trying food you've never eaten, going out when you’ve spent too many Saturdays at home, hanging out with a new group of people and to travel to cities you've never seen. It's okay to say no, but, remember to also say yes.

3. Rock bottom is a good place to start

Sometimes, shit just goes bad. You get fired from your job. You fail. You lose someone you love. You fail again. You feel alone. Whatever rock bottom is or was for you, it only serves as a temporary foundation to build up from. Land. Cry a little. Stand up. Dust yourself off. Then get building.

4. In your world, the world really does revolve around you

It does. If your world doesn't revolve around you, then who the fuck does it revolve around? YOU need to be YOUR number one priority, and you have to do what you need to do to take care of yourself first.

*This advice isn’t a sign for you to start taking advantage of others and become a selfish person. It’s to encourage you to stop consistently putting other people’s happiness before your own.*

5. You don't have to say I love you to say I love you.

But don't forget to say it when you can.

6. Grab the bull by the horns and enjoy the ride

Write your book. Start your online business. Apply for that job. Leave your old one. Travel. Sing. Run away to join the circus. Release the demo. Marry the girl. Learn the trombone. Whatever it is that fills your heart with joy simply from the thought of doing it, that's what you need to be doing. Why waste your time doing something that doesn't make you happy? Your world is your fucking oyster. The possibilities for life are practically endless. Choose an option you love, run towards it headfirst with passion and don't look back. I mean, why would you?

7. Indecision is a decision within itself

You're going have to make some tough decisions. I can promise you that. You're going to have to make decisions that will make you feel anxious and that make you uncomfortable. And choosing to ignore the issue or question at hand because you "don't want to have to deal with it right now" is a decision in itself. You've chosen to remain irresolute, and thus, you will have to accept the repercussions. Don't gamble it and let chance take control of your life. Be a big kid and take control of it yourself, or else you're going to end up in a place you didn't wanna be in. 

8. You become that with which you surround yourself with

It's true when they say one rotten apple spoils the whole bunch. The same can be said for people. If you surround yourself with a group of people, or perhaps just one individual, that is negative, tears you down, or constantly makes you feel inferior or sad, you will become a product of them. If you notice this happening, take a step back, re-evaluate their importance in your life, and maybe start thinking about surrounding yourself with people that build you the fuck up instead. 

9. Recognise yourself as the great person you are, but always be a work-in-progress

Finding the balance of acknowledging what an accomplished and driven young person I am and also understanding that I have so far to go to be the ultimate version of myself keeps me motivated, happy and busy. I'm never going to attain perfection or be the best; I know I'm not. But that's just fine, because it's not about reaching the top, it’s about the chase to get there. And I absolutely love every second of it

10. Raise the bar a little

If you find yourself begging somebody for as little as respect, a response, clarity, or time together, move on. You may not realise it now, but what you're begging for and driving yourself crazy over is the bare minimum. It's ridiculous and beneath you.

11. Learn to get rejected

Whether it is by crushes, friends, jobs, family, goals, coaches, or random people that think it’s a good idea to give their opinion when it was never asked for, you are going to get rejected. Get good at it. Learn to take the rejection and run with it and move on to the next one, whatever it is.

12. Learn how to apply false lashes

It’s just important to learn. Okay?

13. Being great is never easy

If it were, you’d see a lot of successful people walking around. But you don’t. Instead, you see a lot of people making excuses. If you want to be great, stop making excuses and start making things happen.

14. Make the most of where you’re at

We are constantly looking forward to the future, forgetting that where we are now is a place we were once looking forward to. Have hopes and dreams for the future but make the most of the present and enjoy the moment.

15. Don't compare paths

Competing at the world championships a few times has pushed back my degree and my career, and sometimes it really bothers me that I won’t be at the same milestones as everybody else. But I’m not everybody else, and nobody else is living my life! Those things will eventually happen for me. Maybe not right now, but they will one day. I can have and be and do everything, but not all at once, and definitely not at 21. Focus on the path that you’re taking, and don’t worry about what everybody else’s looks like.

16. Listen to the way your “friends” talk about other people

Because chances are they’re talking about you the same way

17. Travel Travel Travel

My best memories are from riding on the back of motorcycles in Vietnam, moshing it in Disneyland at 12am, getting drenched on a boat tour in Niagara Falls, or scuba diving through the Great Barrier Reef. You won’t find these experiences in the western suburbs of Melbourne. Book a ticket, leave, and enjoy what the world has to offer.

18. You’re never too young to start thinking about skincare

Prevention is better than cure.

19. Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely

Being lonely has very little to do with how many people you’re surrounded by and more to do with who you’re surrounding yourself with. Find comfort in being alone, and learn to be happy with your own company.

20. If you stress before it happens, you're putting yourself through it twice

There’s no point stressing about something that hasn’t even happened yet. All we can do is focus on what we can control leading up to it, and our attitudes once we get there.

21. It’s okay to have fears, but don’t let them hold you back

Anyone who knows me is well aware that I’m scared of a lot of shit. However, a lot of the things I’m scared of often coincide with goals that I have. And whilst I’m not chucking myself out of planes just yet, it doesn’t mean I never will. Allow yourself to feel fear (since it's a normal emotional response) but don’t let it stop you from doing what you want to do for the rest of your life. Enjoy the thrill of stepping out of your comfort zone.

I know what you’re thinking, “Lauren, how on earth do you manage to walk around with such a massive head full of so much goddamn wisdom?” Honestly, I have no idea.

    - Loz

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